Bullying is embarrassing, intimidating or threatening someone. It is behaviour that’s repeated over time. It can involve a single person or group, as either the bully or the person who is being bullied.

It can cause you distress, humiliation or shame. It can affect your physical and mental health, confidence and self-esteem. It may leave you feeling powerless, and as if you are unable to stop the bullying from happening.

One-off rudeness or tactlessness, unless it’s very serious, is not considered bullying behaviour. Likewise, having high standards because of quality and safety, or giving constructive feedback to improve performance isn’t bullying.

Verbal, physical, psychological and social bullying

There are different types of bullying.

• Verbal bullying is calling someone names, insulting them about how they look, their culture, race, sexuality or religion.

• Physical bullying is hitting, spitting, shoving someone, stealing or damaging belongings.

• Psychological and social bullying is ganging up on someone, regularly leaving people out of events, preventing them from going somewhere, posting or sharing unwanted images and content online.

Examples of bullying you may see

• Giving someone made up rules or different activities to others in the team.

• An official being aggressive towards or intimidating a young coach.

• Spectators verbally abuse participants from the opposition.

• A parent tells a child they are incompetent, hopeless, useless, or no good after training or a game.

• An athlete repeatedly calls a referee names and uses offensive language.

• A group of people gangs up on an individual team or group.

• A parent intimidates a young coach or supervisor.

• A team member doesn’t get messages meant for everyone, or they are left out of games or events.

• A player regularly takes credit for another person’s achievement or win.

Violence is serious and comes in many forms. It is a deliberate use of physical force or power to hurt you, a group or community. It can cause physical, social, spiritual and emotional harm and, in some cases, death. The harm violence causes can last for a long time after the initial abuse happens.

It can be a one-off incident or a series of acts that form a pattern of abuse.

The difference between physical contact and violence

Contact and combat sport and activities can get physical, and players can get hurt. If it happens within the rules of the game, it is ok but beyond that, it may step over the line into violence.

• Physical force or aggression that falls under the rules of the game is ok. For example, a regulation tackle in rugby that injures another player.

• Physical force or aggression that’s not in the rules but managed on the field is also ok. For example, a high tackle in rugby where a player gets a yellow or red card. It’s sorted at the time, and physical contact is generally accepted by spectators and players.

• Violence that’s not ok is behaviour that is outside the rules of the game and could be against the law. It may cause injury or death, or seriously impact you. For example, forcefully punching an opponent in the head to take them out of the game, or a fight during a hockey game that ends up with a player seriously injured.

Examples of violence you may see

• A player pushes a referee after a game in the changing rooms and tries to punch and kick them.

• Spectators support opposition teams who destroy a fence and throw it at each other.

• A coach yells from courtside and threatens to knock out an opposition player.

• Two runners in a marathon have a physical fight on the course after bumping into each other.

What isn’t violence

These examples are not considered violent. It’s usually accidental but best avoided if you can.

• A boxer’s training partner is knocked out while ducking to avoid a right hook during training.

• Two opposition coaches call each other idiots.

• Two players collide jumping for the ball, and one of the players is seriously hurt from the collision.

Abuse can be physical, psychological, emotional, or sexual. It causes or is likely to cause harm to your wellbeing. It can be used to gain control or coerce you into doing something you don’t want to do.

Anyone can act in ways that are abusive, and sometimes it is done by a person in a position of trust or in authority.

You can experience different forms of abuse at the same time. For example, physical abuse and emotional abuse.

Types of abuse

• Physical abuse includes hitting, slapping, punching, kicking, spitting or biting. It’s also pushing people beyond their physical limits or depriving them of food, drinks or rest.

• Psychological abuse can include stalking, exclusion and humiliation.

• Emotional abuse can include aggressive shouting, belittling, threats, exclusion, stalking and humiliation.

• Sexual abuse involves any sexual activity where consent is not or can’t be given. It can include unwanted touching, unconsented sex or sexual acts, making sexual jokes, or showing pornography. It may involve sexual grooming. Grooming is a process used to make a child, young person, adult or vulnerable adult an easier victim for future sexual abuse.

Read child safeguarding – identifying and preventing grooming

Examples of abuse you may see

• Coaches who constantly overload athletes with unreasonable or dangerous practice sessions or training programmes.

• A staff member of an organisation belittles, humiliates and threatens a team member to make them work outside agreed timeframes.

• A senior team member touches and intentionally grabs the genitals of another team member.

• A strength and conditioning coach uses unreasonable or dangerous training to punish an athlete.

• A gymnast is made to perform a movement they do not have the skill for, and this causes an injury.

• An athlete’s diet is restricted or controlled. A manager tells them their weight is making it harder for the team to win a competition.

Intimidation is threatening behaviour that makes you feel fearful, distressed, hurt or excluded from activities. For example, threatened with violence, or watched, followed or accosted.

Types of intimidation

• Physical intimidation includes hitting, pushing, shoving, forcing you to do something you don’t want to do.

• Verbal intimidation includes insults or making fun of someone, making sexist or racist comments, or comments about how you look.

• Social intimidation includes spreading rumours or lies, humiliating you or isolating and excluding you from activities.

 Examples of intimidation you may see

• A parent tells a team coach they’ll punch them if they don’t let their child play in a game.

• A player follows another team member down the street shouting they are useless and stupid.

• A parent sends a volunteer intimidating or abusive emails, text messages or uses social media.

• A coach constantly shouts and yells at players to work harder or they will not play in the next game.

• Spectators repeatedly shove or deliberately bump into opposition fans.

Harassment is unwelcome behaviour that is offensive, threatening or degrading. It is usually repeated but can also be a single serious incident. Harassment can include gossip, jokes, teasing or using inappropriate, offensive nicknames.

It’s still harassment even if it's not meant to offend or humiliate.

Examples of harassment you may see

• Players continually tell insulting jokes about a teammate who has just moved to New Zealand.

• A coach sends unwanted sexually suggestive emails or text messages to the team manager.

• A club manager asks a player lots of intrusive questions about their personal life, including their sex life.

• A club committee force participants to wear revealing uniforms.